Airwaves Assault – Top 3 Worst songs of the week

Hey guys, been a very long time (or hi if this is your first time reading) the grumpy old geek is back and I’m wanting to try something new. My previous reviews while fun to write and I got some good feedback from friends, were fairly time consuming for myself. The more I progress in my day job,the less time I have to relax and do stuff like this. This is especially true now as ive started a job in which I regularly have to travel all over the country, staying in hotels, haven’t always got wifi it can be a massive pain; this change in my life however gave me my new idea. Driving all over the country has made me listen to more radio than I have ever done in the rest of my life (cos hey listening to same CDs over and over again eventually kills how good the song is) and while it’s been a great experience because I’ve heard more new amazing music than ever before, that’s few and far between as I’ve also drowned myself in ear rape.

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Basically they choose the shittest songs to play the most, continually drum them into you until you are forced buy it. So I had a thought that if I don’t have time to do a massive review regularly, I could do a mini review every week or so about the top 3 worst songs ive heard this week as I do most of the writing in my head while im driving. This new feature im going to call:

Airwaves Assault- Top 3 worst songs of the week

  1. Be right there- Diplo & Sleepy Tom

I honestly wanted to like this one, I mean in a music world run by EDM and where EDM takes up most of the chart and filters into other genres you kinda have to keep up or get left behind. When I first heard it I really liked that riff in the background during the verse …..at first; it sounds a bit like what you’d hear in a level of a late 90s video game…but then you hear it the 50th time and every stroke of the fake electronic violin is like a knife running across my brain. Having heard it 50 times you actually start to analyse the lyrics and you quickly realise, they make no goddamn sense and are so bloody simple its like the first attempt at song writing from a teenage girl!

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I know I know, its EDM, the lyrics are the least important part, but c’mon guys if youre gonna have words attached your equivalent of music at least make them likeable. This woman is clearly very confused

Baby don’t misunderstand, I do want for my man
I just need a little time, before I invest my love

Ok so she wants to get to know you before she commits and sleeps with you, great

Don’t walk away boy (Don’t walk away) my love won’t hurt you
Don’t walk away boy (Don’t walk away) I’ll be right there for you

Well which is it lady? Do you want time to think or do you want me to stay?!

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I get it, she probably wants to spend time with the guy before she does anything yknow intimate but still, could be a lil clearer guys!? Took me nearly all 50 listens to understand that but that’s from someone who is actively trying to review the song, your standard listener will be going ‘this is a tuuuuuunnnnneee’

so let’s be honest the lyrics were never gonna be your priority, it’s all about the bass and the drop right? And yeah that’s fine, theres bass and a drop and its lovely but nothing special, just your standard EDM track, honestly there are better tracks from this genre of music out right now on the same stations, so I have no idea why this song has got so big.

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  1. Do it again- Pia mia ft. Chris Brown and Tyga

Poor poor Pia Mia, I honestly feel bad for her, even though this is her song…..her bland…..boring…..song….she really does take a back seat to the Chuckle Brothers of rap; Chris Brown and Tyga. Ill start with her seeing as it is her song and her verse and chorus really do seem to be diminished by the 2 guys verses, its like they said ‘hey we’ll appear on your song but we’re gonna be the main focus, seriously Pia our star power gonna make you so famous’. The song is about a girl who has a one night stand with a  guy who she falls in love with each part played by Pia and Tyga respectively, we’re pushing the envelope here people! And then she sleeps with Chris Brown as shown by his verse to get Tyga jealous, cos these are such great people!

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Her first verse is shared with Tyga, the second verse is completely Chris Brown as response to her first, all she really gets is the chorus and even then she shares the last one with Chris Brown. The problem with her is as an artist she’s pretty bland, I mean you could pretty much insert any other female rnb singer into the same song and nothing would change, there is nothing unique about her voice. All the lyrics are such clichés I don’t even want to go into it, basically if you like the song I have described to you and want to listen to a song kind of like this go listen Dilemma by Kelly Rowland and Nelly.

Also why is it that whenever Tyga and Chris Brown do a song the backing track sounds like it’s from a kids cartoon? Not everyone likes Xylophones and fart noises guys! It’s the same in this song just like AYO and Loyal, which im not convinced aren’t the same song.

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In fact why does the rat faced shit of rnb Chris Brown demand for us to know what it’s like to have sex with him?!

Oh, baby, it got a little crazy on the first night
So I’ma have to do you better than the first time
I’m lovin’ how you scratchin’ and you grittin’ your teeth
I’m lovin’ how that booty shake when it’s on me

Classy Chris from Do it again

I’mma take her ass down when she bring her friend around
Fuck ‘em both like ayo

Extra Classy from Ayo

I mean what girl is listening to that and still thinking ‘yeah I definitely want to get involved with some of that, I mean nothing bad ever happened to any of his other sexual partners’…oh.. went too far.

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  1. Perfect- One direction

Im gonna try to keep this one short; because its pretty self-explanatory and two; in case any one direction fans are reading, cos we all know one directions fans have a tendancy to….have…….very….reasonable……mature….arguments……with their critics.

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To be honest the world has already given their opinion on one direction so a lot of what I say would be repeated; but Perfect by one direction is definitely my worst song of the week because it is the epitomy of what people think a one direction song should be and thats awful. Now I don’t as a choice listen to these guys cos its really not my scene but honestly Ive seen them mature and progress, if you compare ‘what makes you beautiful’ to ‘best song ever’ it’s clear they were or at least their management were trying to push them in a different direction so I could see why other people might like them… main word were. This year theyve said ‘pffftt fuck that, lets go back 5 years, thats what the fans want’. ‘Perfect’ is basically ‘that’s what makes you beautiful’ 5 years later, the group singing directly to their listeners like ‘hey girl, this song’s about you, we could totally be together’, well actually if you really read into the lyrics its more like ‘hey girl im a horrible person but ill have sex with you tonight and be gone in the morning’. Think im joking? Read between the lines here

I might never be your knight in shining armor
I might never be the one you take home to mother
And I might never be the one who brings you flowers
But I can be the one, be the one tonight

But only tonight girllllllll

I might never be the hand you put your heart in
Or the arms that hold you any time you want them
But that don’t mean that we can’t live here in the moment
‘Cause I can be the one you love from time to time

But only time to time…girlllllllllllll

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The whole song is the group pandering to their fans, selling them the idea of a relationship with their favourite member of one direction, and then bitch-slapping them with a ‘but not forever!!!’

But if you like causing trouble up in hotel rooms
And if you like having secret little rendezvous
If you like to do the things you know that we shouldn’t do

And if you like cameras flashing every time we go out, oh, yeah
And if you’re looking for someone to write your breakup songs about

I am a horrible person but you will love me anyway

You’ll smash hotels with us! You’ll be in all the tabloids as my mystery girl! All I see listening to this is Simon Cowell laughing counting his money built on the tears of little girls.

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That’s a wrap guys, hopefully see you next week with more pain

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Grumpy old geek awards for The Best and Worst of 2013’s hit music part 3

So here we are, the big ones, the songs of the year, the tunes we were all listening to in 2013 for better or worse, so as usual we will discuss what in my opinion is the best the worst and another special award, but we’ll do it in a different order as these are the big ones.

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Most boring Song of the year- Katy Perry- Roar

It’s not been a good few years for our Katy, divorce, awful live performances and just really lacklustre songs from someone who once was one of if not the biggest female pop star on the planet. One day ill do blog charting her rise and fall cos it’s a pretty pathetic thing, but I wanna talk about Roar or shall I call it whimper? Cos that’s what this song is, it’s a failed attempt at girl power anthem. its about someone who failed/fallen/dumped/ and she’s gonna pick herself up cos she is a strong independent woman, and no one can defeat her and that’s great and all Katy but I’m pretty sure we’ve done this before…what was the name of that song? Oh yeah! This is Firework! It’s the same song! Katy is essentially trying to recreate the success she had with Firework. You can’t steal your own ideas Katy!

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The problem is Firework came from positive Katy, un-scorned by divorce and actually worked as an inspirational song as it focused on the listener and their problems Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?’, She’s addressing her audience who no doubt have felt like this. Roar comes from modern Katy who’s given up trying to make anything good and seems more interested in interesting looking music videos. Roar is too vague to make you feel anything, it’s more of a selfish piece than a motivational anthem, and it’s about her own personal struggle….but her struggle with what? It’s so vague, we don’t know how we should feel for her, ok so we can work out from the first verse it’s a guy but she’s not clear about what he’s doing to her, does he beat her, hold her back from her career or was he just too need for you dear? Whatever, it soon ignores a backstory and just start ripping off eye of the tiger, and using the most clichéd lyrics in music history

Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Louder, louder than a lion.

Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Oh oh oh oh oh

Youre gonna hear me roar

 

Clearly the budget went on the music video and they needed to cheapest songwriter available, ‘ALL CHORUS, FORGET THE VERSES THAT’S WHAT THE PUBLIC WANTS!’ Which apparently is true as this went to number 1 in the UK charts. All monkey noises and vague uninspired lyrics, Katy wins most boring song of the year.

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Best song of the Year- OneRepublic Counting Stars

Remember that band that did that song with Timbaland, where all he did on the whole track was sing ‘ay’ and yet the song was titled on most music channels and radio stations as Timbaland ft One Republic? Yes the band that was relegated to featuring status in their own song; apparently they still exist and…wow….they actually brought out a really good song. To any Americans reading this, this is probably not much of a shock as apparently they’ve been around for ages in the US but for us Brits, this is the first we’ve heard of OneRepublic since 2008! Now I could’ve easily given this award to Daft Punk or Bruno Mars, or the artist I’m going to talk about in my next award, like most other reviewers have done but these songs have been praised to death so I wanted to be different, I wanted to give it to the song that shocked me how much I liked it and I’ll be honest I fucking love this song.

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The song is about trying to stop living for money just to get by and instead living for your dreams and hey who can’t relate to that?! Hell that’s why I’ve started doing these reviews! Basically doing something you love instead of worrying about money, now this type of song has been done a million times before but it’s just the way these guys have complied this together feels different, better and more energetic. The backing track helps this incredibly as it sounds so different to anything else in the charts at the time, the mix of real instruments with the electronic background tying the whole riff together, we’re seeing this more and more in the charts so glad to see it’s not just EDM producers using it,  and the rock bands are getting in on the act.

Maybe it’s the music video but you honestly feel like these guys and leading a congregation pushing you forward to fulfil these dreams. Lyrics like ‘Everything that drowns me, makes we wanna fly’ and ‘Everything that kills me makes me feel alive’ are the kind of things you wanna hear in a song like this, they demonstrate how doing something you love can break you, ruin you financially but you do it cos it feel amazing and it means more to you than money. This song has what Katy Perry’s was missing, you feeling they are talking to you, about you, cos I doubt any member of OneRepublic needs to worry about money looking at how big they are in America, this is a song about the listener not the band and that’s exactly what an motivational song should be. Well done OneRepublic you have redeemed yourselves…………………….shame about the rest of your album………cos its so bland…………like counting stars is rhe only good song………………………………..enjoy the award.

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Worst Song of the year- Robin Thicke Blurred Lines

Ladies and gentlemen may I present to you the slimiest man in pop, good god I feel dirty just looking at him, like I’m gonna get gonorrhea just by talking about him. Soooooo Mr Robin Thicke’s 2013 Blurred lines was the highest selling song of the year, had multiple awards, multiple no 1s all over the world…….and is the most disgusting piece of shit I heard all year. Honestly there’s not much I can say about it that hasn’t already been said, but unlike with the best song award where I wanted to be different, with this one I think the faults in this song need to be talked about constantly til people are aware how the biggest selling song of 2013 was also the most idiotic and the mistakes are not repeated. Basically this is a song written by those guys you see at clubs, who cling onto some random girl at a bar like some muscled quaff haired limpet, the motto of Blurred lines is ‘she wants you, she just doesn’t know it yet’ and how fucking rapey is that.

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Don’t believe me? ok lets compare Blurred Lines  a song about some harmless boys in the club, to a song actually from the point of view of a rapist Sex type thing  by the Stone temple pilots

I said I wanna get next to you
I said I gonna get close to you
You wouldn’t want me have to hurt you too, hurt you too?

Now Blurred Lines

know you want it.

But youre a good girl!

The way you grab me.

Must wanna get nasty.

 

Not that different really! Robin if you have to ask yourself ‘oh she must want to have sex with me’ you don’t know for certain!

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Rapey-ness aside the whole thing is a mess, there is no other point to the song than ‘look how many girls i can shag’ which there are far too many of in the charts today. The backing track isn’t awful, kind of a 70s disco vibe to it but with what’s being dubbed over it, any hopes of a disco revival died with this songs release. Mr Thicke isn’t alone on this track cos one grown man salivating over young woman isn’t enough we need 3! Now I can understand TI being there cos frankly what else has he got going on but Pharrell what are you doing?! You’re far more talented than anybody else on that screen and yet you have the smallest part in the whole song! Was your job to be cute and bring in the audience…cos it kind worked….BAD PHARRELL!

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The music video is ridiculous too, either version pick, its 3 grown men standing around with half naked or naked girls ‘dancing’ around them, and lots of HASHTAGS cos that’s how we’re gonna spread the message that Thicke’s back! Hashtag Thick!!! Which is pretty sad cos in the UK Thick has a different meaning which suits this song pretty pretty well. Thankfully Mr Thicke hasn’t had the same success with any of his follow up songs and the less said about Miley-gate the better, lets hope in the rest of 2014 that young women’s ears can go unmolested.

 

Right that’s me done for another time, thanks for reading guys

Next time my predictions for the rest of 2014

Grumpy old geek awards for The Best and Worst of 2013’s hit music part 2

The long delayed second part of my awards for the music of 2013, this time we deal with all artists new and old for the crown of best and worst of 2013, we’re not dealing with just one song we’re dealing with their entire back catalogue of the year, this is the real shit here people, no one hit wonders are gonna survive this time, we’re looking at the best artist, worst artist and another special award. So who’s had the best overall year and who’s made my life hell? Let’s find out

Best Artist of the year- Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

Yeah I know, I’ve done this already. I promise they won’t get song of the year next time, I really agonized over this cos I didn’t really want to give the same artist two awards but every time I thought about who’s really made my 2013 awesome musically I keep coming back to these two guys, so I had to give it to them…..which is annoying cos now I have to come up with something else to say about them cos I’ve pretty much covered it in the last blog.

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Sooooo I’ve done the singles and as this is an overall thing let’s do the album The Heist, if you haven’t heard it, go pick it up now! Obviously these guys have done so well with their singles in the charts but the album shot to #1 on itunes within hours of its release. Seriously this is such an interesting album, if it was just Macklemore on the album this could’ve been your standard albeit really well written rap album, 15 songs centred around a few different themes, but with Ryan Lewis creating mixing it feels something different to what we’ve become used to. My girlfriend made me realise one of the biggest reasons I like the album is that every song sounds different, the lyrics may have similar themes; making it from nothing, addiction, anti-materialism but under the mixing and backing, every song sounds like its own unique piece which is how albums should be! I know this doesn’t sound like much but really think to yourself about the last full album you heard, there must be at least a pair of songs which sound similar. I can say some of my favourite artists are culprits of this, and the less said about modern indie the better, looking at you the 1975!

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The Heist shouldn’t really exist, it’s completely independently produced and recorded, taking massive shots at the current music industry and record companies and an album that really stands for change, Macklemore clearly likes to push this independence and standing for change as every artist he collaborates with you will most likely have never heard of but a lot of them are really bloody talented! One particular song I wanna talk about is Jimmy Iovine, and is basically about being desperate to get yourself a recording contract to the point of violence to get it, but in the end realising that the record industry today is all about making money for themselves and taking giving new artists the bare minimum, the song ends with the line ‘I’d rather be a starving artist than succeed in getting fucked’, now that’s hella powerful from an independent album.

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All I can say is well done to these two guys again for bringing some new life back into the rap and hip hop genre, The Heist is not just a fun and great listen, It’s also a fascinating listen once you know the background of its creation. Go buy it now!

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Worst artist of the Year- Will.I.Am

It was inevitable this was gonna happen sooner rather than later, i’m gonna have to explain to my new audience my dislike for the gentleman I have given this award to. I hate Will.I.Am…OK that’s harsh, I hate everything he stands for musically, I hate his demeanor, his arrogance and the way the world fawns over him like he can do no wrong. ‘Oh but he’s such a nice guy! He’s so funny on The Voice!’ I’m sure Hitler was a funny guy, doesn’t make him any less evil! I’m honestly not attacking him as person I’m sure he’s a great guy, does loads for charity, never kicks puppies etc but to put it simply Will.I.Am is the musician Moriarty to my reviewer Holmes and he will win this award every year until the year he does nothing or until somehow something worse comes along.

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Blind hatred aside lets discuss why Mr I.Am deserves this award above all the other awful artists this year. Firstly let’s look at Will’s addition to 2013; his album #willpower, with that title alone, you’ve got it, here’s your award, please stick it so far up your rectum it comes out of your mouth, which is the route every other idea seems to take from your warped mind Will! ‘Hashtags are cool!’ fuck off! Seriously!…no… no we promised we’d actually review, sooooo that album, well he collaborates on it…A LOT, and it take a really special talent to make terrible artists even worse, Britney Spears on Scream and Shout ‘Britney do a British accent it’ll be sick! and ill rap about being in da club!’ And Justin Beiber! How the fuck do make Justin Beiber sound worse?! That is the kind of twisted talent the Joker would be hiring you for! You make Justin Bieber worse by putting him on a song called #thatpower and having sing a repetitive chorus completely unrelated to meaningless shit Will blathers on about! ‘Used to have a piggy bank, But now I got that bigger bank’, you rhymed bank with bank, Shakespeare be damned this man has the power of the verse!

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Wow, small rant there, but seriously his lyrics are some of the worst i’ve ever heard, just cos it rhymes doesn’t mean it should slide into a song with ease, for example in Bang bang

‘Hey baby yeah I love you,
Stupid is what stupid do,
Tom and Jerry and Scooby Doo,
Oh baby, I’m a fool for you.

Did you seriously write that and think it was a good? Old cartoons are retro and cool, was that your logic?! Are you high?! How do any of those four lines relate to any of the others? You are a fucking terrible rapper! There are better rappers on youtube who are intentionally trying to be bad! download

Finally the reason Will deserve the award for worst artist of the year comes down to what I was talking about before, in the best award, every song is the fucking same. Think about Will.I.Am’s singles, take your pick, got one? Good, whats it about? It’s about being in the club having a good time, now apply that to every one of his songs, THEYRE ALL THE FUCKING SAME! About being in the club, check, drinking references, check, pointless cameo from terrible artist, check, throw some EDM in and we have a Will.I.Am song, its recipe for the worst recording artist of 2013.

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Actual Stupidest song of the year- Drake ‘started from the bottom’

This is not a category for so bad it’s good like before, it’s just stupid, so sickeningly stupid that it hurts me to think of the mental process of the creation of this shit heap of a song.

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There’s not much to say about this song so I’ll keep it short…er. Firstly Drake seriously, I don’t understand, that’s not a chorus, it’s the same fucking phrase ‘started from the bottom now we’re here, started from the bottom now the whole teams fucking here’, awful backing track, actually not just awful really irritating, it’s like ‘sticking your ear on a cheese grater’ irritating. And yet this song has won best hip track of the year from a good few sources…why?! It’s that standard piece of hip hop drivel we’ve heard a million times ‘my life was shit now it isn’t’ great, well done, please go drown in your giant golden toilet bowl like the musical turd you are.

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Secondly it’s not just the chorus that grates on me and how much a show-off little prick Drake is….it’s how he pulls this off in the bridge too; ‘No new n****s, n***a we don’t feel that, fuck a fake friend, where you real friends at?’ ok so basically when you become famous don’t forget your old friends, wow that’s great Drake, actually that’s a really good moral message to fellow rappers…..…um just one thing aren’t most of the pictures of you in tabloids magazines etc with NEW friends, oh hi Kobe Bryant, Jay-z!  (Stick with Kanye, he’s less irritating). Jeez Drake you couldn’t even follow your own advice.

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Drake is the world’s proudest girlfriend

I’ve never really got the appeal of Drake, but clearly hes big enough to have a huge fan base and celebrity friends, which i guess is part of the reason 0f the creation of this song but its done in such a way that just rubs me up the wrong way as its that really played-out boring way of showing off, that is in so many rap songs these days i’m just tired of it. Anyway well done young man now please retire and never make anything like this ever again.

Thanks for reading guys. next time its the final part of The Best and Worst of 2013’s hit music with the songs of the year!

Hopefully it wont take me 3 months this time

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Grumpy old geek awards for the best and worst of 2013’s hit music part 1

What can you really say about the chart music of 2013? A lot, a giant wrecking ball (huh huh geddit) sized angry rant at how bad this previous year has been musically. I don’t think we can ever recover from the damage to the music industry due to what has become the norm in 2013.

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What most people do at the end of the year is do is a top 10 list of the best or worst songs of the year, but that takes research which would cause my ears to bleed so I’m gonna do a few awards some the usual awards some which I will make up…..yeah maybe ill do an actual list next year, cos im coming off as really lazy.

Only rule to qualify to be part of the awards is to actually be a hit song, ie get into the top 40, this makes the negative awards really easy for there was a fuck ton of shit music in the charts this year and much much harder for the positive awards, so please keep in mind this all my opinion, disagree all you like.

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So lets get started.

Best breakout artist of the year

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

These two guys have revitalised hip-hop and rap for me, the world of rap has come a long way since the days of Tupac and Dr Dre and not in a good way, rap and hip-hop is about being in ‘da club’ , being materialistic …and bitches. Then these guys come along and sing a song about buying from charity shop and you know what? It was fucking awesome! The horns, the lyrics, the beat, my god rap has not been this exciting in so long!  Speaking of the lyrics, the lyrics are so different than most other songs of the same genre, in today’s rap environment to say designer clothes are overpriced and you’re an ignorant bitch for paying $50 for a tshirt, you would never hear Will.I.Am say that! But we’ll get back to him

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Thrift shop as awesome a song it is, could have really been a one hit wonder if not for their follow up track ‘Can’t hold us’ which cemented that Mack was here and he wasn’t going anywhere creating the party anthem I’ve been craving, in a year where ‘We can’t stop’ by good ol’ Miley is considered a pump up track. And a gay rights song? Definitely shocking in today’s hip hop world! One more thing about Macklemore, he seems to love what he does, always jumping around, embracing the music, why is it so shocking for me to see a rapper enjoying performing and looking like he’s genuinely enjoying his job?! Cheer the fuck up the rest of you!

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Anyway well done Mack and Ryan, cant wait to hear what you have in the future

Worst breakout artist of the year

Icona pop

That song. God that song. It was fucking everywhere, I know I’m basing this award pretty much on one song, but you’ve heard the song right? You know the pain I feel, it makes no fucking sense! I was thinking about giving this award to someone like John Newman, or Zedd cos at least they have a few songs to piss me off  but nope well done Icona Pop I’ve denounced you after one song. In case you have no idea what song im talking about, I don’t care….no that’s the name of the song, which to start with is annoying.  The whole thing is basically a giant ‘fuck you’ anthem, the main singer has broken up with their significant other and are being a dick about it.

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Lets analyse these lyrics:

 I got this feeling on the summer day when you were gone.
I crashed my car into the bridge. I watched, I let it burn.
I threw your shit into a bag and pushed it down the stairs.
I crashed my car into the bridge.
I don’t care, I love it.
I don’t care.

………sooooo you got bored and decided to crash the car, kick your partner out…then crash your car again …or is it another car? Why are you destroying your own property? Why don’t you care?!

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Basically this is your standard EDM club shit, the lyrics mean nothing, someone crapped this out in an hour and of course it’s eaten up by the general public cos it takes no thought to digest. Well done Icona Pop, you may have sold well but you’re on my list.

The ‘so bad its good’ award 2013

Jay-Z and Kayne West – N***as in Paris

This is the stupidest fucking song and I love it! I know this didn’t come out in 2013 but i only discovered it this year and it’s been one of y biggest songs of the year. It’s two of the biggest names is hip hop and rap in the world coming together, you know something epic is gonna happen and my god did it! ill start with the title, oh what a title…..I’ll give them it got people talking…, who thought that was a good idea?! A genius that’s who, cos controversy does create cash and this title caused it to reach an audience who otherwise wouldn’t have heard it. Some facts about N***gas in Paris, the backing track in pretty awesome, legitimately awesome, it ‘gets the people going’, it has no chorus whatsoever but the reason this song is so brilliantly and absurd in the lyrics and basically everything Kanye.

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God bless him Jay-Z is still trying to stay relevant in a world where people are more interested in his wife, but I love his opening verse, Jay-z clearly still trying to be seen as the hardcore gansta, still out ballin’ every night, rather than at home changing nappies or watching Yo gabba gabba which i don’t blame him for trying to do as he works in a genre of music where you have to be seen as bulletproof. Anyway Jay-z in his first verse basically creates this image of he and Kanye ‘getting fucked up’ in Paris and that is brilliant…more for what I see Kanye doing. Then Kanye comes in literally sounding like a disgruntled goat, talking about getting married to a girl in the Mall, (wait was this how you met Kim?) tells Prince William he should have married Mary Kate and Ashley (why is he even mentioned?) and then goes Gorilla(?). And then lets stick in a clip from ‘Blades of Glory’! why? because fuck you, that’s why! i guess that’s not fair, is cos the line is ‘nobody knows what it means’ cos nobody is gonna have a clue what ‘N***gas in Paris means! The thing about Kanye is you can’t really hate him, he’s not like Chris Brown where there’s a legitimate reason he’s a disgusting human being, so you have reason to hate him. Kanye is a harmless idiot but hes not aware hes an idiot, and that’s what so sweet, he needs a pat on the head and telling he’s a good boy, and i see this song more as his than Jay-Z’s. I think if it was just Jay on the song it would just medicore rather than so bad its good. The whole song is ludicrous, over the top, and that’s what makes it brilliant! It’s not like a standard bad song, this is two of the biggest guys in the game, going huge, failing on almost every level but to creating something fun and silly in the process. This is a Nic Cage movie in song form.

;SARNIKanyeWest

Next time: best and worst artist of the year and another special award