Hey guys, been a very long time (or hi if this is your first time reading) the grumpy old geek is back and I’m wanting to try something new. My previous reviews while fun to write and I got some good feedback from friends, were fairly time consuming for myself. The more I progress in my day job,the less time I have to relax and do stuff like this. This is especially true now as ive started a job in which I regularly have to travel all over the country, staying in hotels, haven’t always got wifi it can be a massive pain; this change in my life however gave me my new idea. Driving all over the country has made me listen to more radio than I have ever done in the rest of my life (cos hey listening to same CDs over and over again eventually kills how good the song is) and while it’s been a great experience because I’ve heard more new amazing music than ever before, that’s few and far between as I’ve also drowned myself in ear rape.
Basically they choose the shittest songs to play the most, continually drum them into you until you are forced buy it. So I had a thought that if I don’t have time to do a massive review regularly, I could do a mini review every week or so about the top 3 worst songs ive heard this week as I do most of the writing in my head while im driving. This new feature im going to call:
Airwaves Assault- Top 3 worst songs of the week
- Be right there- Diplo & Sleepy Tom
I honestly wanted to like this one, I mean in a music world run by EDM and where EDM takes up most of the chart and filters into other genres you kinda have to keep up or get left behind. When I first heard it I really liked that riff in the background during the verse …..at first; it sounds a bit like what you’d hear in a level of a late 90s video game…but then you hear it the 50th time and every stroke of the fake electronic violin is like a knife running across my brain. Having heard it 50 times you actually start to analyse the lyrics and you quickly realise, they make no goddamn sense and are so bloody simple its like the first attempt at song writing from a teenage girl!
I know I know, its EDM, the lyrics are the least important part, but c’mon guys if youre gonna have words attached your equivalent of music at least make them likeable. This woman is clearly very confused
Baby don’t misunderstand, I do want for my man
I just need a little time, before I invest my love
Ok so she wants to get to know you before she commits and sleeps with you, great
Don’t walk away boy (Don’t walk away) my love won’t hurt you
Don’t walk away boy (Don’t walk away) I’ll be right there for you
Well which is it lady? Do you want time to think or do you want me to stay?!
I get it, she probably wants to spend time with the guy before she does anything yknow intimate but still, could be a lil clearer guys!? Took me nearly all 50 listens to understand that but that’s from someone who is actively trying to review the song, your standard listener will be going ‘this is a tuuuuuunnnnneee’
so let’s be honest the lyrics were never gonna be your priority, it’s all about the bass and the drop right? And yeah that’s fine, theres bass and a drop and its lovely but nothing special, just your standard EDM track, honestly there are better tracks from this genre of music out right now on the same stations, so I have no idea why this song has got so big.
- Do it again- Pia mia ft. Chris Brown and Tyga
Poor poor Pia Mia, I honestly feel bad for her, even though this is her song…..her bland…..boring…..song….she really does take a back seat to the Chuckle Brothers of rap; Chris Brown and Tyga. Ill start with her seeing as it is her song and her verse and chorus really do seem to be diminished by the 2 guys verses, its like they said ‘hey we’ll appear on your song but we’re gonna be the main focus, seriously Pia our star power gonna make you so famous’. The song is about a girl who has a one night stand with a guy who she falls in love with each part played by Pia and Tyga respectively, we’re pushing the envelope here people! And then she sleeps with Chris Brown as shown by his verse to get Tyga jealous, cos these are such great people!
Her first verse is shared with Tyga, the second verse is completely Chris Brown as response to her first, all she really gets is the chorus and even then she shares the last one with Chris Brown. The problem with her is as an artist she’s pretty bland, I mean you could pretty much insert any other female rnb singer into the same song and nothing would change, there is nothing unique about her voice. All the lyrics are such clichés I don’t even want to go into it, basically if you like the song I have described to you and want to listen to a song kind of like this go listen Dilemma by Kelly Rowland and Nelly.
Also why is it that whenever Tyga and Chris Brown do a song the backing track sounds like it’s from a kids cartoon? Not everyone likes Xylophones and fart noises guys! It’s the same in this song just like AYO and Loyal, which im not convinced aren’t the same song.
In fact why does the rat faced shit of rnb Chris Brown demand for us to know what it’s like to have sex with him?!
Oh, baby, it got a little crazy on the first night
So I’ma have to do you better than the first time
I’m lovin’ how you scratchin’ and you grittin’ your teeth
I’m lovin’ how that booty shake when it’s on me
Classy Chris from Do it again
I’mma take her ass down when she bring her friend around
Fuck ‘em both like ayo
Extra Classy from Ayo
I mean what girl is listening to that and still thinking ‘yeah I definitely want to get involved with some of that, I mean nothing bad ever happened to any of his other sexual partners’…oh.. went too far.
- Perfect- One direction
Im gonna try to keep this one short; because its pretty self-explanatory and two; in case any one direction fans are reading, cos we all know one directions fans have a tendancy to….have…….very….reasonable……mature….arguments……with their critics.
To be honest the world has already given their opinion on one direction so a lot of what I say would be repeated; but Perfect by one direction is definitely my worst song of the week because it is the epitomy of what people think a one direction song should be and thats awful. Now I don’t as a choice listen to these guys cos its really not my scene but honestly Ive seen them mature and progress, if you compare ‘what makes you beautiful’ to ‘best song ever’ it’s clear they were or at least their management were trying to push them in a different direction so I could see why other people might like them… main word were. This year theyve said ‘pffftt fuck that, lets go back 5 years, thats what the fans want’. ‘Perfect’ is basically ‘that’s what makes you beautiful’ 5 years later, the group singing directly to their listeners like ‘hey girl, this song’s about you, we could totally be together’, well actually if you really read into the lyrics its more like ‘hey girl im a horrible person but ill have sex with you tonight and be gone in the morning’. Think im joking? Read between the lines here
I might never be your knight in shining armor
I might never be the one you take home to mother
And I might never be the one who brings you flowers
But I can be the one, be the one tonight
But only tonight girllllllll
I might never be the hand you put your heart in
Or the arms that hold you any time you want them
But that don’t mean that we can’t live here in the moment
‘Cause I can be the one you love from time to time
But only time to time…girlllllllllllll
The whole song is the group pandering to their fans, selling them the idea of a relationship with their favourite member of one direction, and then bitch-slapping them with a ‘but not forever!!!’
But if you like causing trouble up in hotel rooms
And if you like having secret little rendezvous
If you like to do the things you know that we shouldn’t do
And if you like cameras flashing every time we go out, oh, yeah
And if you’re looking for someone to write your breakup songs about
I am a horrible person but you will love me anyway
You’ll smash hotels with us! You’ll be in all the tabloids as my mystery girl! All I see listening to this is Simon Cowell laughing counting his money built on the tears of little girls.
That’s a wrap guys, hopefully see you next week with more pain